Caregiver burnout

This is a subject near and dear to me. As I have watched my mom take care of my grandparents over the past five or so years at the same time that I have become a mother of three. I think almost all parents, rightly so, feel so much responsibility to their children. It’s interesting to see how, when the roles are reversed, children do not universally feel responsible for their elderly parents.

Changing baby diapers gets tiring by the third year, but changing an adult’s diapers is even harder to reckon with. So many people live to be in their 90s and even 100s now. The problem is their ability to care for themselves is usually drastically reduced. This means that either a family member cares for them, a hired person cares for them, or they go to live in a nursing home. (Having visited many nursing homes, some expensive and some not expensive, I can honestly say I hope I don’t end up living in one of them.)

My mom has tried all of the above, but the hardest on her was by far when she was living and taking care of my grandparents. It was around the clock work and she didn’t get any time off or compensation. It was unsustainable. Obviously, it’s situation dependent, but most caregivers do experience burnout at one time or another.

As I said from the beginning, parents get caregiver burnout too. While the role is vastly different, we need breaks just as much. I can only speak from my experience, but I think most stay at home moms and dads agree. It’s hard to ask for time for yourself because you feel guilty leaving your kids and guilty asking someone else to step in. If you have the ability to hire someone, can you find someone you trust, that your kids like, etc.

It’s not easy to get a break when your kids are young, but I think it’s important to make it a priority. It’s good for you and for your kids to have some time apart. And, there are different types of breaks, all important to include in your alone time. There’s time where you spend doing whatever you like-reading watching TV. There’s time you spend on a hobby or social outing. There’s time you spend on work or volunteering. And even time you spend pampering yourself.

I’m still very much learning to balance child care and time for myself. I know that one day my kids will be grown up and living their own lives. If I’m still here, I will need to fill my days with things that don’t involve them at all. I need to practice time away so I don’t totally lose my sense of self…To be continued!